Is Money Really Soo Important in Marriage?

Typically, when two individuals tie the knot, they stand before their friends and family, making a vow to remain united through thick and thin, for better or for worse, in sickness and in healthy, for richer and for poorer...

It’s no surprise that finances rank among the six most common sources of marriage conflict, according to Dr. John Gottman's research. As a coach, I enjoy facilitating discussions about money with couples, mainly because it’s never really about the money, and we often discover each partners true values as we go through this process together.

Money and how we use it, how we think about it, has meaning. You and your partner likely have different ideas about what a dollar is worth. You have different ideas about savings, and debt, and wealth, and poverty. What does extra money represent to you? Is it security? Luxury? Power? Value? Freedom? Something else?

Having these discussions early on is very beneficial in marriage and when committing to your partner, as addressing the financial aspects highlights the need to establish a shared understanding of money. The most successful couples align on what they value within their household. This mutual agreement is vital for effectively managing the various economic factors present in any relationship and furthermore in any family.

The money that flows in and out of your household should align with and strengthen your core values as a couple. It's essential to identify what those values are. While you may both agree on the importance of saving, you might have differing opinions on the specific goals for those savings. Are you saving for a car, a home, your children's education, or perhaps a trip overseas?

For some, talking about money can feel overwhelming and uncomfortable. It’s clear though, that avoiding money chats can lead to much greater pain long term than the discomfort you may feel in bringing up the topic of money. I encourage all the couples I work with to keep communication about money open & honest. Many couples will include conversations around money in their weekly State of the Union Meeting.

According to Dr. Gottman in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, “What’s most important in terms of your marriage is that you work as a team on financial issues and that you express your concerns, needs, and fantasies to each other before coming up with a plan.”

Dr. John Gottman's extensive research spanning over 50 years with thousands of couples has uncovered effective strategies for resolving conflicts around money and many other issues.

To talk to Kylee today about how she may be able to help you and your significant other,

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