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Every relationship faces obstacles While certain problems can be addressed quickly, others require more dedication and a plan to manage them long term. It's important to be able to recognise when seeking outside help is necessary to maintain the relationship. At times, a couple can get stuck in a negative cycle, unable to see a solution to their issue. Sadly, many couples wait around 5 years (an average from John Gottman’s Research) before they seek help, this can be for a range of different reasons and often misconceptions.
Today, let’s clear up some of these myths about Relationship Therapy and instead focus on the reality of couples therapy.
Myth #1 The Therapist Will Take Sides
Often, one partner can feel worried that the chosen therapist, coach or counsellor will choose sides or favour their partner’s perspective over theirs.
In reality, couples therapists are neutral and impartial professionals who’s primary goal is often to support the couples to create a safe and supportive environment where they are both able to share freely and feel validated by one another. A relationship therapist’s role is to facilitate the communication, promote understanding, and support the couples toward creating solutions to challenges they face. As a Relationship Coach, I also focus on ensuring the tools we practice together in our sessions are tools the couples learns themselves and continues to practice outside of our sessions.
Myth #2 The therapist will tell us to break up
Although couples therapy can assist partners in examining their choices, it is not the therapist’s responsibility to make decisions regarding the relationship. Therapists aim to enhance communication, address conflicts, and foster self-awareness among partners. Ultimately, the choice to remain together or part ways lies with the individuals involved. Personally, to this date (of writing this article) I’ve not once suggested to an individual or a couple whether they should or should not stay together.
Myth #3 Relationship Therapy is only for Couples who are struggling
One of the most common myths is that couples therapy is solely for couples with high conflict and/or big issues.
The reality is, Couples therapy can be very beneficial for relationships, at any stage.
In the same way we might focus on eating healthy or going to the gym to take care of body, taking are of our relationship can look like periodically seeing a relationship therapist or a relationship coach, attending workshops together, reading books together.
Myth #4 Hiring a Relationship Coach or Relationship Therapist won’t help
Sadly, there are therapists and coaches who offer their services to couples without having any specialized training in proven methods of couples therapy (such as Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, Imago, etc.)
This can lead to people believing that seeing a therapist won’t help. The reality is, a relationship coach or therapist who is trained specifically to help couples will support you both with tools and resources to support you.
Research in both Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and Gottman Method Couples Therapy indicated these types of couples therapy are both effective.
Myth #5 Couples Therapy is Too Expensive
It’s worth acknowledging that a decision to attend relationship therapy or see a relationship coach is an investment into your relationship. Yes it costs money, and in the short term this can feel expensive. However, if you compare that to the cost of most divorces it’s a clear winner. Let alone factoring in the emotional cost of going through a separation and wondering if you could have made it work had you sought out the support sooner.
Myth #6 Talking about our issues with a stranger won’t help
This one is one of the most common myths couples face when deciding whether or not to get support in their relationship. The idea that talking about their issues isn’t going to help. This is a misconception that can often stem from a fear of conflict or the idea that it’s better to avoid talking about the things we don’t agree on rather than working through them. (Avoid rather than confront).
The reality is, when we refuse to address relationship issues this can lead to resentment, misunderstandings, and a decline in relationship satisfaction. Couples therapy offers a safe setting for couples to share their thoughts, concerns, and emotions constructively. A trained Relationship Coach or therapist can facilitate the dialogue and help establish effective communication patterns with a focus on empathy, understanding and solutions.
By dealing with issues sooner, couples can gain valuable insights into each other's viewpoints and deepen their understanding of one another, supporting a a way forward through issues where they naturally consider each other.
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